Category: Relationship

Only relationship articles

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Fight for your Marriage 1

We are excited when we are about to get married. We show love and concern to our object of love at anytime. But when we eventually marry, what happens next. The main work begins after the wedding and when the minister pronounces us as husband and wife. This is where the fight begins. I am using fight because the devil, the enemy of our soul also begins to fight that marriage with the plan to collapse and destroy it. This is why we must fight back.

I do not believe that the person we married not long ago can suddenly become our arch enemy and we would not want to live with the person anymore. God want us to stay together and enjoy the marriage. Offences would come but we should not allow these offences to degenerate into hatred. When we claim to be children of God, then we have a responsibility to make the marriage work. This is because we are ambassadors for Christ. We need to represent our Maker and Father well on this earth.

Two totally different people living together will be challenging. We must decide that we would make our home heaven on earth. As a man, I have the responsibility to love my wife, respect her opinions and strive to make her happy and comfortable. I believe that most of the time, the success of the marriage depends on the man. If we can respect and honour our wives, they will also respect and honour us. As people of faith, we have to display our light for others to see. If we as Christians are unable to treat our wives or husbands with honour and respect, how are we going to impact our generation.

We as light of the world must shine in our marriages. Our prayers would not be answered if we treat our wives/husbands with disdain. The Bible is clear on this. Let us be intentional about how our partners feel in the marriage. The feelings and opinions of our wives are very important. If they feel unloved, insecure, unprotected and not cared for, no matter how active we are in the things of God, we have either failed or about to fail in the marriage.

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Committed but not Committed

In any relationship, there is bound to be some form of commitment one way or the other. We are expected to sacrifice for the relationship to grow and become better. It would be surprising if there is a relationship where there is no form of sacrifice and the two parties are all trying to avoid every form of sacrifice. Commitment is important for two people to stay together and more importantly when it is a romantic relationship. So there must be some form of commitment in any romantic relationship. What are some of the forms of commitment?

In a relationship, there is bound to be some financial commitment. Financial commitment is a way of proving that you love your significant other. Love gives and love will spend on the object of love. We show love to our object of love. It would be surprising to find any relationship where there is no form or display of love and affection financially. One way or the other, one would have to spend money on the object of love. Taking the person to the restaurant and paying is a way of showing love. It would be strange to find a young man in the Ghanaian culture who takes a lady out and expect the lady to pay part of the cost of the outing. You plan for such outings and that includes money. But if that gentleman request that you foot part of the bill, then it shows that he is not really interested in the relationship and he is just taking you for the ride. So there should be some form of financial commitment, buying call credits and internet data to communicate with the one you love is part of the cost you incur. Occasionally, (like Valentine day and birthdays) buying gifts to surprise one another also makes the relationship grow and proves that you love each other. There should be exchange of gifts. These are some of the financial commitments you bear when you are in a romantic relationship.

But there is a limit to the amount of money to spend on the object of love. In as much, it is important to commit some financial resources to the relationship, it is unwise to spend huge sums of money on the person. For example, you do not want to buy the current version of a smart phone (iPhone 12 Pro Max) just because she want to change her phone. But if it becomes necessary that she get a new phone due to an issue with her current phone and you are in the position to do that, yes love gives, you can help with that. But it would not be the best to be spending so much money on him/her just because you decided to spend time with each other to know yourselves better. So the clause is not to spend too much and sometimes go to the extent of borrowing to impress the other person. Yes, some people can even borrow to spend on the person they love. Remember that there is no free lunch, if the person is spending so much before you say I do, he/she may have an agenda and sooner or later may execute that agenda.

Another form of commitment may be time. To make the relationship grow, you need to spend time with each other. This does not mean that you spend all the 24hours with the person. Spending time does not mean that you do that to the detriment of your job or academic life. Some people decide to spend all the time with the person and even forget that they are students or forget that they are employees and must work to get paid. So spending is important but this should not affect other aspects of our lives.

Some ladies immediately arrogate to themselves the position of a wife and begin to act as such. As a lady, do not start doing wifey duties. Some ladies go to the extent of washing and cooking for the person regularly. The keyword here is regularly. If once in a while it becomes necessary to cook for him or even wash, why not. But when these things become your daily routine, it is called over-commitment which is dangerous. You can do all these things when you finally say I do to him. So if he want those services, then let him go and pay the dowry and do the needful, otherwise, hold on to these services until the needful is done.

Another form of commitment is the decision to prove your love by having sex. Many people have been deceived into thinking that by merely having sex with the person solidifies the relationship. This is a lie from the pit of hell. Sex before marriage can destroy the relationship. Do not prove your love by having sex with the person before the marriage. When you get your body involved in the relationship, you set yourself up for disappointment and broken heart. I know I am treading on dangerous grounds but that is the fact. When you have sex, you destroy the foundation of trust before the marriage that is if the relationship eventually leads to marriage. Keep your pants up and do not allow anybody pull them down to prove that you love them.

So, commit but do not over-commit some things. Commit your time, commit some amount of money but, do not commit high expenditures and do not commit your body. Stay pure in that relationship. God will help you. God bless you.

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An Accountable Partner

Accountable Partner

Many Christian youths are in romantic relationships. Sadly, these relationships have gone beyond the limit where they have already had several sexual encounters with their partners. Fortunately, they are not happy with the state of the relationship because of the frequent sexual encounters. They want to stop having sex all the time but are unable. The devil would always want to keep you in that state and will always remind you that everybody is doing it so do not worry, it is normal. But you know in your heart that it is not normal, you are not happy whenever you have sex with the person you claim to love.

Many people have been deceived to think that it is normal to sleep or have sex when you love someone. Yes, let me be frank here, it is normal for people who are not Christians. This is because if you are not a Christian, it is very normal to have sex because you need to do things that please your father-the devil. So it is normal to have sex when not a believer, but irrespective of whether you are a Christian or not, the consequence of sleeping with that person before saying I do is still there and dire. If the relationship doesn’t work, you always feel cheated and used because you have committed so much by offering your body on the altar of sacrifice. Jesus has already given the ultimate sacrifice and you have no business sacrificing your body for the sake of love to the yet-to-be qualified person. But many people in relationships are proving their love by having sex with their object of love. This is rather unfortunate.

But it is a different thing altogether when you are a Christian. When Christians have sex with people they are not supposed to, they may feel bad, dirty, and guilty. My focus here is on these people. If you can have sex with anybody and you do not see anything wrong, you are on a different planet and I will advise you to reconsider that lifestyle, assess yourself and see whether you have a future with that kind of lifestyle. If you are a Christian, then you may have to consider surrendering anew your life to Jesus.

Now let me come back to the main thing. I was saying that if you want to stop having sex with the person you claim to love, I have just one solution. It is only one solution. This solution has been tested and tried. This solution will not replace you surrendering your life to God, personal prayer life, Bible reading, and the Holy Spirit’s help to you. But this is just an additional help.

I had a friend in the university who eventually found herself in a very precarious situation. She accepted the proposal of this young man whom she loved so much. They could not stay away from each other and committed the pardonable sin (i.e., had sex with the person). The sexual encounter continued whenever the young lady visited the gentleman. The gentleman had no roommate so you can imagine what was happening anytime the lady went visiting. But the good thing was that the lady was not happy with the sexual escapades. Yes, it was sweet and pleasurable. Bread eaten in secret is sweet but … The end of eating poisoned bread is certain. She wanted to stop the act of sex with immediate effect. I advised her to stop visiting the gentleman in his room and also expect that the relationship may come to an end because it was built on the wrong foundation. The foundation was faulty and had no future. So the lady stopped going for visits. This affected the relationship and there was a break-up. But the good thing was that the lady became free and got back with her relationship with God. Our relationship with God must be taken more seriously than any other relationship. When she eventually told someone about the whole thing, she had help and became free. Unless you are happy with what you are doing, I submit to you the power of a third party. The Bible says, Confess your faults one to another.

You need someone who can help deal with the situation. You see when a third party knows of your escapades, it can help you put a stop to it. Do not be deceived to think that everybody is in the same boat. NO. You need help and you must seek help. At this point, you have to be selfish and seek help out of that regular sex you have been having with the person who has not paid your dowry yet. You having sex together is not pleasing and glorifying God. Yes, it is fun having sex, but your conscience is always dealing with you and you know you are doing something wrong. You are active in church and in the things of God, but this is breaking you. Seek help! Get to someone who can help you. This is what I call, an ACCOUNTABLE PARTNER; someone who will ‘judge’ you but is ready to help you overcome this challenge and get you out of it by the grace of God and by the help of the Holy Spirit. When this person spoke with me, that was the end of the problem. The key thing was that she was not happy. If you are happy with the whole situation, then, continue to enjoy but remember that whatever you sow, you will reap.

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SEX SELLS BUT YOU HAVE A CHOICE

Many people think that the proof of love is sex. They think that by going ahead to have sex with the object of love, they show beyond reasonable doubt that they love that person. But for a lot of men, sex is just to satisfy their libido especially when there is no commitment in the relationship. So, the mere fact that you slept with that person does not necessarily mean you love yourselves. It is possible that the two of you were overwhelmed with emotions or lust and could not control yourselves.

Therefore, it is important to be aware of what you are doing before you go ahead to have sex with that individual. There is a saying that sex sells. Yes, sex sells, but in relationships, sex does not necessarily sell. You may sell sex and get someone to buy that sex, but it may just be a transaction with no other interests. When you sell sex and get a buyer, the buyer just came to buy what you were selling and when he/she is done with the purchase, he/she leaves the scene for good. When you decide to sell it again, the person may come back and purchase the sex again. You now have sex as more of a business transaction than just the evidence of love and affection.

These sex transactions have sent many young people to mental homes. They never thought they were selling their sex but that is what the other person thought. The other party thought it was just a transaction. So, when mutual satisfaction is achieved and the other person decides to part ways, one is hurt to the core because they thought it was proof of love and affection. So, since you have a choice of who you want to sell sex to, you should be careful and be sure that you have agreed that it is going to be proof of love, affection, and evidence that some forms of commitment have been done.

What do I mean by commitment? The parties must go beyond the rhetoric and act on their words of love/affection to each other. This means that the people involved must follow through with the processes of getting committed to each other. This means that they should introduce themselves to their respective families and do the needful. When this is done, then you are somehow sure that there is some commitment from both parties.

When you have sex after these commitments have been achieved, then you are sure that sex is not a commodity here. Even though some people may go this length just to have you on the bed, most of the time, you are sure that sex is not sold. Sex becomes a commodity when it is thought to be exchanged with love when in fact, it was just an item on the shelf ready to be purchased. Let us keep in mind that sex sells and those who are involved in these transactions know and they will go the long haul to get the sex item as part of their possessions. Therefore you must be careful to who you deliver your sex goods to so that you do not shortchange yourself.

Sex sells but the buyer has a choice.

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Be Faithful in the Relationship

Faithfulness in a relationship is very important. I am amazed why some people are unable to stay with a spouse till death but decide to try uncharted waters. God want us to be faithful to Him as his children. We expect our children to be faithful to us all the time. We do not want our children to start cheating. When children start cheating on their parents, they are seen as bad children.

As parents, we want our wards to be committed to us and follow our instructions. We become worried when our instructions are disobeyed and flouted with no respect for us. Parents do not want their children to be cheats but their actions sometimes teach the children to be cheats. Our children observe what we do than what we say.

We have to stay faithful to our spouses. We said those vows in the presence of God and His witnesses and we must abide by those vows. God is faithful and He expects faithfulness from all His children. Faithfulness is expected in any relationship and we must make it a point to be counted when the faithful ones are called. God bless you.

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Marriage Under Attack

Many marriages are under attack from the enemy of our soul. This is because the enemy knows that if families are stronger, he has no chance to execute his agenda. He has therefore launched a serious attack Christian homes. Many homes are suffering under this attack.

But we must rise up and fight back. We cannot allow our marriages to be attacked by the enemy. He knows his time is short and he is therefore throwing all sorts of missiles to destroy families and create confusion at the family level. Couples must therefore unite as never before and recognize that we are fighting a common enemy and not ourselves. Men must work to take care of the family. We cannot in the disguise of working to take care of the family stay away all the time. We must be intentional about the time we spend with our families. God expect us to be the real heads of our families and not just financial heads of. When we head financially but leave other aspects to our wives, we fail God and the immediate family.

We must lead in all aspects. We must be the spiritual heads to ward off attacks on our homes. We are the gatekeepers and must guard our homes with all our might, physically, spiritually and financially. God is counting on us. The wives also have some responsibilities. The women must play their role as helpmeet as indicated in the Bible. They need to pray and take care of the home working with the man to achieve a common goal. The husband and the wife are in this together and cannot renege on this. We must fight as couples to keep our family united against any external force. God will help us.