Category: Relationship

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Exploring the Negative Effects of Single Motherhood on Son’s Marriage

Introduction

Single motherhood can bring about unique challenges and, in some cases, unintentionally contribute to negative effects on a son’s future marriage. While single mothers play an important role in raising their children, it’s crucial to acknowledge the potential hurdles that may arise. In this article, we delve into the negative effects of single motherhood on sons’ marriages, shedding light on the complexities that can impact their relationship dynamics.

  1. Absence of Male Role Models: Growing up without a consistent male role model in the household may deprive sons of valuable insights into healthy masculinity and effective relationship dynamics. Without a father figure to emulate, sons may struggle with understanding their own roles as husbands and fathers, potentially leading to challenges in forming and maintaining healthy marriages.
  2. Limited Exposure to Healthy Marital Relationships: Single motherhood may limit a son’s exposure to healthy marital relationships. Without witnessing a positive and balanced partnership firsthand, sons may lack crucial reference points for building successful marriages. This can lead to difficulties in understanding effective communication, conflict resolution, and mutual respect within the context of a committed relationship.
  3. Emotional Baggage and Insecurity: Sons of single mothers may carry emotional baggage and insecurities resulting from the absence of a father figure. This can manifest as a fear of commitment, difficulties with trust and intimacy, or a constant search for validation. Such emotional challenges can strain a son’s marriage, impacting his ability to form secure and fulfilling bonds with his spouse.
  4. Overburdened with Responsibilities: Single mothers often shoulder significant parenting responsibilities, including financial, emotional, and logistical demands. Sons growing up in such households may develop a strong sense of responsibility towards their mothers, potentially leading to an overburdening of responsibilities in their own marriages. This imbalance can create strain and resentment within the relationship, affecting their overall marital satisfaction.
  5. Unresolved Emotional Wounds: Sons of single mothers may carry unresolved emotional wounds stemming from their parent’s separation or divorce. These wounds can manifest as unresolved grief, fear of abandonment, or difficulty in establishing trust. Left unaddressed, these emotional challenges can hinder healthy relationship dynamics, contributing to potential conflicts and dissatisfaction within their marriages.
  6. Limited Understanding of Gender Dynamics: The absence of a male presence in the household can result in a limited understanding of gender dynamics. Sons may struggle with traditional gender roles or have difficulty navigating expectations in their own marriages. This lack of understanding can lead to conflicts around shared responsibilities, power dynamics, and societal expectations, negatively impacting their marital relationships.

Conclusion

While single motherhood can bring about tremendous strength and resilience, it’s important to acknowledge the potential negative effects it can have on sons’ marriages. Understanding the challenges associated with limited exposure to healthy relationships, emotional baggage, overburdening of responsibilities, unresolved emotional wounds, and limited understanding of gender dynamics is essential. By recognising these potential hurdles, sons raised by single mothers can proactively seek support, engage in self-reflection, and develop strategies to address and overcome these challenges, thereby fostering healthier and more fulfilling marriages.

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Unmasking the Caricature Marriage: Navigating Unrealistic Expectations

Introduction

Marriage is often portrayed as a beautiful union of love and companionship. However, there are times when the realities of married life deviate from these idealised notions and manifest as a caricature of marriage. A caricature marriage is marked by exaggerated roles, unattainable expectations, and a distorted sense of partnership. In this article, we delve into the concept of a caricature marriage, explore its detrimental effects, and provide insights on how to navigate and transform it into a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.

Unveiling the Caricature Marriage

A caricature marriage is characterised by unrealistic expectations, lack of communication, unequal power dynamics, and an absence of genuine emotional connection. It is a relationship where the partners feel trapped within predetermined roles, living up to societal expectations, and striving for an illusionary perfection that often leads to disappointment and dissatisfaction.

The Impact of Caricature Dynamics

Living within a caricature marriage can have a profound emotional impact on both partners. Feelings of resentment, frustration, and unfulfillment may arise when individuals find themselves unable to meet the exaggerated expectations placed upon them. Over time, this can erode the foundation of trust, intimacy, and happiness within the relationship.

Redefining Relationship Expectations

To break free from the constraints of a caricature marriage, it is essential to challenge and redefine the expectations placed upon the relationship. This involves open and honest communication between partners, exploring individual desires and needs, and reshaping expectations based on mutual understanding and compromise.

Cultivating Authentic Connection

Building a genuine emotional connection is key to transforming a caricature marriage into a healthier partnership. This can be achieved by fostering open communication, actively listening to one another, expressing vulnerability, and prioritising quality time together. The genuine connection allows partners to understand and support each other’s aspirations, dreams, and personal growth.

Empowering Equality and Collaboration

Overcoming caricature dynamics necessitates a shift towards equality and collaboration within the marriage. Both partners should be encouraged to contribute their unique strengths and talents, sharing responsibilities, decision-making, and supporting each other’s individual growth and autonomy. By fostering a sense of partnership, the relationship can evolve into a more balanced and fulfilling union.

Seeking Professional Support

Transforming a caricature marriage can be a challenging journey that may benefit from professional guidance. Seeking the assistance of a qualified marriage counsellor or therapist can provide a safe space to navigate complex dynamics, explore underlying issues, and develop effective strategies for communication, conflict resolution, and personal growth.

Conclusion

A caricature marriage can leave partners feeling trapped, unfulfilled, and disconnected from one another. However, by acknowledging the unrealistic expectations, cultivating authentic connections, promoting equality, and seeking professional support, it is possible to transform a caricature marriage into a healthier, more meaningful relationship. Remember, the journey towards a fulfilling marriage begins with open communication, self-reflection, and a willingness to redefine and reshape the narrative of your partnership.

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How do you Honour your Mother and Father?

Honouring one’s mother and father is a concept emphasised in several passages of the Bible, particularly in the Ten Commandments. The specific instructions for honouring parents can be found in Exodus 20:12 and Deuteronomy 5:16:

Exodus 20:12 (New International Version):

“Honour your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”

Deuteronomy 5:16 (New International Version):

“Honour your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”

Here are some general principles that can guide you in honouring your mother and father based on biblical teachings:

  1. Honouring beyond childhood: The commandment to honour parents extends beyond childhood and encompasses adulthood as well. Even as an adult, you are called to show respect, appreciation, and support to your parents. This may involve maintaining regular communication, spending quality time together, and being attentive to their needs.
  2. Respect and obedience: Show respect and obedience to your parents’ authority, particularly when you are under their care and guidance. This includes following their instructions and honouring their wishes within the boundaries of righteousness.
  3. Care and support: Show care and support for your parents, especially as they age or face difficulties. This can involve helping them with practical needs, providing emotional support, and ensuring their well-being.
  4. Gratitude and appreciation: Express gratitude and appreciation for your parents’ love, sacrifices, and the contributions they have made to your life. Acknowledge and honour the positive influence they have had on your upbringing and development.
  5. Communication and reconciliation: Maintain open and respectful communication with your parents, seeking to resolve conflicts and reconcile differences when they arise. Strive to maintain a healthy and loving relationship.
  6. Forgiveness and reconciliation: Relationships with parents can sometimes be complicated, and conflicts or wounds may exist. The biblical principle of forgiveness and reconciliation applies here as well. It’s important to seek forgiveness when needed and extend forgiveness to your parents, fostering healing and restoration in the relationship.
  7. Pray for them: Lift your parents in prayer, seeking God’s blessings, guidance, and protection for them. Praying for their well-being and spiritual growth demonstrates your love and concern for them.

It’s important to note that every family dynamic is unique, and circumstances may vary. The principles of honouring parents should be applied with wisdom, discernment, and a spirit of love and forgiveness. It’s also essential to seek guidance from your faith community, church leaders, or spiritual mentors who can provide additional insight and support in navigating specific family situations. Remember that honouring parents is not a one-size-fits-all approach and can be expressed in various ways depending on individual circumstances. It’s essential to seek guidance from your faith community, clergy, or trusted mentors who can provide personalised advice and support as you navigate your specific family dynamics.

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Six (6) Repairs for Marriage

Every marriage goes through some accidents which may require some repairs to be done. These repairs are essential to keep the marriage alive. We cannot ignore these repairs which are supposed to be a continuous thing and make the marriage work. Now, let’s talk about the six (6) repairs for marriages.

Be Ready to Apologise Always

In relationships, we offend each other. We sometimes make mistakes that may hurt our spouses. We need to quickly apologise when we offend or hurt our spouse. When we apologise, it does not demean us or take away our respect. But if we fail to apologise, it can destroy our marriage. Let’s be quick to apologise when we offend or hurt one another.

Be Open and Confide Feelings

Communication is important in any relationship. We should not assume that our spouses would just know what we are feeling. We need to be open and discuss whatever we are feeling with our spouses. Let’s keep the communication lines always open for use and share our hearts without feeling any form of fear or resentment.

Acknowledge Spouse’s Point of View

We all have our views, and our views may not be the same and sometimes our views may even create conflict. The key thing is we must allow everyone to share their own point of view on issues. There shouldn’t be any intimidation and couples should be free to share their heart on issues of concern.

Be Ready to Accept some of the Responsibility for the Conflict

We are responsible for all that happens to us including conflict. We are always tempted to play the blame game. When you accept responsibility for the conflict, you also get yourself involved in the process of resolving the conflict.

Seek to Find a Common Ground

There is always a common ground for two people to agree on something. When there is a disagreement and it seems, there is no way to agree, you just must stop and take a break and come back later. You may realise that there is some tiny ground for you to agree with your spouse. As they say it, you may agree to disagree and continue your marriage.

Be Committed to Improving your Behaviour

For any marriage to work well and couples to enjoy the marriage, they must be committed to improving their behaviour. We are always tempted to think that our spouse is the problem, and they must change their behaviour. We assume we are the perfect one and our spouse needs to change. If all of us could be committed to improving our behaviour, I believe that our marriages would be great, and we would enjoy our homes.

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Children are Gifts

Children are gifts from God. I see children as gifts God has promised to give His children. When someone promises you a gift, you do not get angry when the gift is not yet in your hands. Especially, when you know that the one who has promised has never failed in His promise before. God cannot lie. So, if this God has promised you a gift of a baby, you just must be patient and wait for that gift.

Many marriages are being stressed because they are yet to have children. We play the blame game and accuse the woman as the cause of not having a child yet. Couples waiting for the fruit of the womb must understand that fighting and accusations would not solve the problem. We need to stay together and work this out together. If you are a Christian couple, then there is hope for you.

First things first, we must be sure that there are no health issues to be resolved. Therefore, it is important to visit a specialist to assess your situation. If there is an underlying health condition, we need to deal with it. This is not for the wife only. The husband and wife must visit the specialist together and go through a medical examination together. Our culture makes it look like the woman is always the cause of childlessness. But this is not true. I repeat the man must lead this charge and go with the wife to see the doctor.

When we have seen the doctor and we are sure there are no health problems, then we can both wait on God and expect the gift He promised. It is not fun being in a situation like this, but it is also wrong to be pointing accusing fingers, and blaming each other. The solution lies in the couple fighting together. Two are better than one. The woman can never fight this alone, neither the man.

There is always no guarantee that the person you are about to marry will bear a child but if the two decide to hold to the promises of God, their heart desires would be met.

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Money in Relationships

Relationships thrive on some important ingredients. These ingredients are essential to make the relationship survive the test of time. Some of these ingredients include love, faithfulness, MONEY, empathy, forgiveness, responsibility, and others. Without money, all the other ingredients may survive but will struggle.

The issue of money in relationships is important. Money can purchase some comfort. Money can help provide for the needs of the family. Love alone is not enough. Money is sometimes needed to make love come alive. So, a man who is not earning an income should not try to marry. It will be a dangerous venture for that unemployed man.

Money plays a key role in relationships. When money is lacking in any family, many other things are affected. Lack of money makes it difficult to get decent accommodation, good food, and clothing. Money makes life comfortable when we can meet the basic necessities of life.

Therefore, it is required that the man and sometimes the woman should be working to receive income for family management and other comforts of life. When a man does not have money, it can affect his self-esteem. The confidence of a man is affected by the amount of money he has in his bank account. Money cannot buy love, but it can make one show more love. Love gives but if you do not have money to help buy some gifts to give, it becomes a problem.

We need to think and plan about how to make more money to take care of our families and live comfortably in this world. Make money and make it the right way. God bless you.

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Comparing your Spouse to Others

It is wrong to start comparing your spouse with other people. Everyone possesses some unique characteristics. We do not have the same strengths and weaknesses. You saw beauty and handsomeness when you first met your spouse. Therefore, it is wrong to start comparing your spouse with another person. 

A person’s outward beauty may be different from their internal beauty. When we are far off, we only see the beautiful part of people and rarely see the bad side. What we sometimes see may not be a true reflection of the person’s character. We only get to know the real person when we come close. Therefore, we can see all the faults in our spouses but can only see the good in others.

It is unfair to compare your spouse with whom you sleep and do everything with others. These other people are unknown to you. You only know a little about these people and you are quick to compare. 

The woman you married is the most beautiful person to you. You must never compare her with any other woman especially when you are part of who she is today. You have played a key role in her life as a husband, and you need to appreciate her for staying and being a helper to you. Respect her and do her the honour of not comparing her with any woman. She is special and different from whoever you want to compare her with.

The man you married is the most handsome person you can find. You accepted his proposal and decided to marry him.  He has been the head of the family and does his best to take care of the family. The stress of being in the physical and spiritual head is enough, do not in any way compare him with any person. He is unique and must be treated with respect. You are part of who he is today and therefore have no business comparing him with other people. He is special and different from all other men.

We will be wise men and women when we decide to stop comparing our spouses with other couples. God bless you.

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Why Your Boyfriend Left You?

I was young and wanted to explore. I was told to monitor and claim him by force. He was charming and wanted by many ladies. So the day he proposed to me, I was excited and wanted to do everything possible to keep him. It did not matter the extend to go to keep him for me alone. That was the beginning of my sorrows.

I thought by sleeping with him, I would get him to be by my side forever. So when he had not even requested for that service, I was making arrangements to provide it. He was not the typical gentleman who will not spare you “when you bring yourself”. He was just a correct gentleman who would not have sex with a lady just like that. He was more interested in the long term and how to make the relationship grow and become better. He shunned away from all the sexual opportunities I provided. I sometimes planned accidental exposures to lure him. I thought by doing that I will get him to myself forever.

After enduring so much sexual affliction from me for several months, he decided to sit me down to address the issue with me. He was blunt with me. He said that it is not that he is “not a man”. I am a man who can fire, he was emphatic. But I have decided to honour ladies who become my friends by refusing to have sex with them. I have proposed to you, we just started the process of getting to know ourselves and you want us to have sex? Do you want to force me to have sex with you? That will not happen. I am a man of integrity and will not compromise on that.

Today’s youth have thrown caution to the wind when it comes to chastity. Chastity is now a thing of the past. Men and women in white have decided to soil that garment with dirty oil. They have decided to disregard the advice their fathers gave them and are now listening to the advice of strangers. It seems to them that the father’s counsel is outmoded and archaic. 

You have refused to keep your pants up. You think that by keeping your pants down and giving access to your palace to whosoever will, you would be able to keep and maintain a man. But look at your state now, was it worth it? You ignored time tested advice and chose your own path, this path is leading you to the wrong location but your pride is preventing you from seeing the light. Let the light shine on you.

Many children have obeyed the counsel of their fathers and have become a success. They listened and followed the advice and they have become the standard for others to follow.

You have gone that far, but you can still retrace your steps. You can seek to obey the father’s advice and be safe or ignore it and be … The word to the wise is enough. God bless you.

Please leave your comments below. Thank you.

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Sex in Relationships

She loved me and I knew it. She was ready to do anything for me. She was willing to even have sex with me if I had requested. As for intense hugging, it was becoming normal. Any thought of going to visit her brought excitement. The thought that this beautiful lady loved me that much was exhilarating. It was dangerous being with her alone in a room or in a car. This is because the level of resistance was low when it came to any attempt to touch and to hold.

The feeling that a gentleman you admired and liked proposed to you is great. You are on cloud nine just because he said the words you have been expecting. You had already fallen for him before he even proposed. Love in relationships is important in the beginning. But this is the time to be careful not to throw your pearl to the wrong or right gentleman.

It is normal today to have sex in relationships without any worries. I meet this gentleman today and we have sex the next day or even the same day. This is seen as normal in the eyes of the world. This is also becoming normal in the church. There have been situations where supposed men in cassock have advised that would-be couples have sex to confirm their readiness for the marriage.

I am not here to tell you about the dangers of premarital sex. Indeed, sex is fun and interesting. It is the highest form of showing love to the one who has qualified himself or herself for that. Sex has also sent many to the psychiatry zone because the other party assumed that by having sex with the significant other, it was evidence of strong love between the two. Meanwhile, the other person was just having fun and nowhere near love for him or her.

How are you sure that having sex with that person is a confirmation of love between the two of you. Some people will push you to prove the love you have for them by having sex with them. Some others have demanded sex as a prove of forgiveness. Some were just overwhelmed with emotions because they were not wise enough. Others were just having fun. They wanted to satisfy their libido and you were the object in sight.

The fact that you had sex does not necessarily mean that the relationship will not work either the opposite. But premarital sex may be a catalyst for mistrust in the relationship. Mistrust can lead to several other issues in the relationship. Some issues in marriages are not just incompatibility matters but may go way back to the foundation for that relationship. What you do at the beginning of the relationship is important. When you start with sex when no real commitment exists, you are building your relationship in the sand. When the storms of life hit the relationship, it will begin to fall because the foundation was a weak one.

Did you have sex before marriage? Are you having sex in your current relationship? Answer the question to yourself.

But if you do not mind and want to share your experience, leave your comments below.

Is it good to have premarital sex? Leave your comments below.

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My Husband is a Gay

I was told not to have premarital sex, I obliged. I obeyed all the religious advise from my spiritual fathers and mothers. I obeyed God by fleeing youthful lust and staying pure till marriage. Expectations were high during and after my wedding. The gentleman was a leading prayer warrior in the church. But he was and is a gay. I only got to know three (3) months after our wedding. What should I do?

Some wives have found themselves in this situation and they are confused as to what to do. They are told God hate divorce and yes indeed God hate divorce in the same way as He hate lying. In this particular case, the woman found herself married to a secret gay who was spiritually popular in their church. She is now married, what can she do? Should she continue married to this guy or leave him?

As a non-religious person, this may look simple and straightforward. The lady should just quit. To the very spiritual (religious) person, it is complex and complicated. Can you help this lady with any advice?

Leave your comments below.