Reflect on your Marriage
Six (6) Repairs for Marriage
Every marriage goes through some accidents which may require some repairs to be done. These repairs are essential to keep the marriage alive. We cannot ignore these repairs which are supposed to be a continuous thing and make the marriage work. Now, let’s talk about the six (6) repairs for marriages.
Be Ready to Apologise Always
In relationships, we offend each other. We sometimes make mistakes that may hurt our spouses. We need to quickly apologise when we offend or hurt our spouse. When we apologise, it does not demean us or take away our respect. But if we fail to apologise, it can destroy our marriage. Let’s be quick to apologise when we offend or hurt one another.
Be Open and Confide Feelings
Communication is important in any relationship. We should not assume that our spouses would just know what we are feeling. We need to be open and discuss whatever we are feeling with our spouses. Let’s keep the communication lines always open for use and share our hearts without feeling any form of fear or resentment.
Acknowledge Spouse’s Point of View
We all have our views, and our views may not be the same and sometimes our views may even create conflict. The key thing is we must allow everyone to share their own point of view on issues. There shouldn’t be any intimidation and couples should be free to share their heart on issues of concern.
Be Ready to Accept some of the Responsibility for the Conflict
We are responsible for all that happens to us including conflict. We are always tempted to play the blame game. When you accept responsibility for the conflict, you also get yourself involved in the process of resolving the conflict.
Seek to Find a Common Ground
There is always a common ground for two people to agree on something. When there is a disagreement and it seems, there is no way to agree, you just must stop and take a break and come back later. You may realise that there is some tiny ground for you to agree with your spouse. As they say it, you may agree to disagree and continue your marriage.
Be Committed to Improving your Behaviour
For any marriage to work well and couples to enjoy the marriage, they must be committed to improving their behaviour. We are always tempted to think that our spouse is the problem, and they must change their behaviour. We assume we are the perfect one and our spouse needs to change. If all of us could be committed to improving our behaviour, I believe that our marriages would be great, and we would enjoy our homes.
Children are Gifts
Children are gifts from God. I see children as gifts God has promised to give His children. When someone promises you a gift, you do not get angry when the gift is not yet in your hands. Especially, when you know that the one who has promised has never failed in His promise before. God cannot lie. So, if this God has promised you a gift of a baby, you just must be patient and wait for that gift.
Many marriages are being stressed because they are yet to have children. We play the blame game and accuse the woman as the cause of not having a child yet. Couples waiting for the fruit of the womb must understand that fighting and accusations would not solve the problem. We need to stay together and work this out together. If you are a Christian couple, then there is hope for you.
First things first, we must be sure that there are no health issues to be resolved. Therefore, it is important to visit a specialist to assess your situation. If there is an underlying health condition, we need to deal with it. This is not for the wife only. The husband and wife must visit the specialist together and go through a medical examination together. Our culture makes it look like the woman is always the cause of childlessness. But this is not true. I repeat the man must lead this charge and go with the wife to see the doctor.
When we have seen the doctor and we are sure there are no health problems, then we can both wait on God and expect the gift He promised. It is not fun being in a situation like this, but it is also wrong to be pointing accusing fingers, and blaming each other. The solution lies in the couple fighting together. Two are better than one. The woman can never fight this alone, neither the man.
There is always no guarantee that the person you are about to marry will bear a child but if the two decide to hold to the promises of God, their heart desires would be met.
I am Human and I Change Not but …
You have been presenting yourself as someone who doesn’t need any help. You make it look like you are okay. When in public you assume the position of “I am in charge, and I am in control”. You are seen as an accomplished man or woman. It is like you do not need any help.
But you and I know your real state when you are alone. When you are on your bed, and no one is around, you begin to reflect on life. Why the facade? Your penchant for money has taken you to places. You have done things that only you and God knows. You are praised by the public and the church. You are the only one who knows the source of your wealth. I am not doubting you, but I just want you to be frank with yourself.
You have become addicted to pornography. A week does not go by without a peep into the naked world. You are drowning in the sea of porno. But you are covering it with active service in the church of God. You have the angelic voice to praise God in church, you have the voice to be called the prayer Papa, and you are praised and adored as a committed child of God. But when the day is over and you are about to sleep and you begin to reflect on your life, you see how deceptive you have become. There is no need to hide, for how long are you going to hide. Pornography will destroy your life
As a single Christian, you have a sex life. Where did you get the sex life from? You have slept with your boyfriend several times and do not feel any conviction to stop. You have become a sex addict. You are unable to stay a week without sex. You treat sex like you treat hunger. You have made it your project to have sex with all the beautiful girls in the church. You brag about it with no shame. You have decided to floor any powerful prayer warrior in the church. You pretend to be spiritual to get close to the spiritual guys. Your main aim is to commit fornication with them and brag about it. Sex means nothing to you but pleasure and makes people miserable. But at the end of the day, you feel used and dirty.
You have said in your heart that you will never commit fornication or adultery. So, you have not had any physically intimate relationship with the opposite sex. This is good. But what you do on social media is more than fornication and adultery. Your chats are more dangerous than a missile. Under the cloak of social media, you are doing things that are equivalent to fornication. You are having phone sex and WhatsApp sex. You can describe your body contours to the opposite without hesitation. Can we read your chats freely and check out your YouTube videos? Or you have been doing these incognito.
Speaking the truth is like taking very bitter medicine. You are quick to tell a lie and make it look like the perfect truth. We have no idea about what you are saying but we trust you. Meanwhile, you have been lying all through. You lie in church, in school, in the market, everywhere. It has become part of your regular life. All liars will have their part in the lake.
We are immune to holiness. We do not want to hear anything about morality. Interestingly, we cry when thieves steal from us, we are unhappy when we are deceived by others, and we are ready to kill when someone has sex with our underage child. A husband that cheats does not want the wife to cheat too. A thief wants to protect his possessions. You claim we are all not perfect but expect perfection from the other person. You do not want the politician to be corrupt, but you are requesting sex before you grade that student.
If the world can become a good place to live, then there should be some element of morality we all subscribe to. We are born sinners, but we can become good through one man called Jesus. Yes, Jesus is the only source of hope. Consider Jesus.
Money in Relationships
Relationships thrive on some important ingredients. These ingredients are essential to make the relationship survive the test of time. Some of these ingredients include love, faithfulness, MONEY, empathy, forgiveness, responsibility, and others. Without money, all the other ingredients may survive but will struggle.
The issue of money in relationships is important. Money can purchase some comfort. Money can help provide for the needs of the family. Love alone is not enough. Money is sometimes needed to make love come alive. So, a man who is not earning an income should not try to marry. It will be a dangerous venture for that unemployed man.
Money plays a key role in relationships. When money is lacking in any family, many other things are affected. Lack of money makes it difficult to get decent accommodation, good food, and clothing. Money makes life comfortable when we can meet the basic necessities of life.
Therefore, it is required that the man and sometimes the woman should be working to receive income for family management and other comforts of life. When a man does not have money, it can affect his self-esteem. The confidence of a man is affected by the amount of money he has in his bank account. Money cannot buy love, but it can make one show more love. Love gives but if you do not have money to help buy some gifts to give, it becomes a problem.
We need to think and plan about how to make more money to take care of our families and live comfortably in this world. Make money and make it the right way. God bless you.
Comparing your Spouse to Others
It is wrong to start comparing your spouse with other people. Everyone possesses some unique characteristics. We do not have the same strengths and weaknesses. You saw beauty and handsomeness when you first met your spouse. Therefore, it is wrong to start comparing your spouse with another person.
A person’s outward beauty may be different from their internal beauty. When we are far off, we only see the beautiful part of people and rarely see the bad side. What we sometimes see may not be a true reflection of the person’s character. We only get to know the real person when we come close. Therefore, we can see all the faults in our spouses but can only see the good in others.
It is unfair to compare your spouse with whom you sleep and do everything with others. These other people are unknown to you. You only know a little about these people and you are quick to compare.
The woman you married is the most beautiful person to you. You must never compare her with any other woman especially when you are part of who she is today. You have played a key role in her life as a husband, and you need to appreciate her for staying and being a helper to you. Respect her and do her the honour of not comparing her with any woman. She is special and different from whoever you want to compare her with.
The man you married is the most handsome person you can find. You accepted his proposal and decided to marry him. He has been the head of the family and does his best to take care of the family. The stress of being in the physical and spiritual head is enough, do not in any way compare him with any person. He is unique and must be treated with respect. You are part of who he is today and therefore have no business comparing him with other people. He is special and different from all other men.
We will be wise men and women when we decide to stop comparing our spouses with other couples. God bless you.
His Death and His Name
I was watching the Passion of the Christ and I got some revelation out of it. Jesus’ death on the cross was not a joke. He suffered on the cross for mankind. I believe no one can go through this pain for nothing. Jesus knew that His death on the cross was the game-changer. Yes and I believe it is the game-changer for all who accept Him into their lives.
The devil makes us forget the benefits of His death to keep us in bondage. Satan is aware of the benefits that belong to Christians when they get to know what is for them. When your father rejects you because you are carrying the sins of the world, that is a serious thing. When Jesus said, “It is accomplished”, He knew what He was saying.
Therefore, I believe that no one would ever be rejected if that person comes to Jesus. The Bible says whosoever shall call on the name of the Lord shall be saved. Jesus cannot allow His death on the cross to go to waste. He will accept anyone who comes to Him. Salvation from sin was part of the deal on the cross of Calvary.
God approved the name of Jesus and made it a name that is above every other name for a purpose. There are several names in the world. Some of these names bring fear and panic. Some of these names have already caused havoc in families. When these names are mentioned, men and women of honour bow.
Recently, there has been a name called COVID-19 and this has caused so much panic and pain in the lives of individuals and families. Governments have succumbed to this name and this name has destroyed economies. But there is a name that COVID-19 fears and dread. When the name of Jesus is mentioned, COVID-19 does not have a chance.
God knew that a time is coming when some names would come into this world to cause fear and panic. Therefore, God gave us the name of Jesus. When we pray in the name of Jesus, tell me who has the power to oppose, in the name of mighty Jesus, we have the victory. When the name of Jesus is mentioned anywhere and anytime, these supposed powerful names bow. They do not have a choice.
All these benefits from the name of Jesus came about because of His death on the cross. If we fail to use the name of Jesus, we are making His death on the cross of no effect. The benefits from His death on the cross must be used and enforced. We, as ambassadors of God, must represent Him fully by using His name to the fullest. He has given us the power of attorney to use His name. When I mention the name of Jesus, sicknesses flee, irrespective of the name of that sickness.
Interestingly, the name of Jesus can resurrect dead cells and replace body parts. There is so much power in the name that I wish Christians would be aware of this and begin to use this name to deal with all the other inferior names that are making too much noise in the world. Those who do know their God shall be strong and do exploits.
I believe that Christians who know the power in the name of Jesus are very bold and confident about dealing with any circumstance. They do not care about the extent of the situation, they know that when they mention the name of Jesus, things would change. When we have this knowledge, it should generate great faith to deal with every situation.
These are just my thoughts about Jesus’ death and the power in His name. This name Jesus is more powerful than any disease, poverty, or affliction. Just use and have faith in this name and nothing shall overcome you. If you have not given your life to Jesus, consider Him and accept Him into your life and then begin to enjoy the benefits that come with the name. God bless you.
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Why Your Boyfriend Left You?
I was young and wanted to explore. I was told to monitor and claim him by force. He was charming and wanted by many ladies. So the day he proposed to me, I was excited and wanted to do everything possible to keep him. It did not matter the extend to go to keep him for me alone. That was the beginning of my sorrows.
I thought by sleeping with him, I would get him to be by my side forever. So when he had not even requested for that service, I was making arrangements to provide it. He was not the typical gentleman who will not spare you “when you bring yourself”. He was just a correct gentleman who would not have sex with a lady just like that. He was more interested in the long term and how to make the relationship grow and become better. He shunned away from all the sexual opportunities I provided. I sometimes planned accidental exposures to lure him. I thought by doing that I will get him to myself forever.
After enduring so much sexual affliction from me for several months, he decided to sit me down to address the issue with me. He was blunt with me. He said that it is not that he is “not a man”. I am a man who can fire, he was emphatic. But I have decided to honour ladies who become my friends by refusing to have sex with them. I have proposed to you, we just started the process of getting to know ourselves and you want us to have sex? Do you want to force me to have sex with you? That will not happen. I am a man of integrity and will not compromise on that.
Today’s youth have thrown caution to the wind when it comes to chastity. Chastity is now a thing of the past. Men and women in white have decided to soil that garment with dirty oil. They have decided to disregard the advice their fathers gave them and are now listening to the advice of strangers. It seems to them that the father’s counsel is outmoded and archaic.
You have refused to keep your pants up. You think that by keeping your pants down and giving access to your palace to whosoever will, you would be able to keep and maintain a man. But look at your state now, was it worth it? You ignored time tested advice and chose your own path, this path is leading you to the wrong location but your pride is preventing you from seeing the light. Let the light shine on you.
Many children have obeyed the counsel of their fathers and have become a success. They listened and followed the advice and they have become the standard for others to follow.
You have gone that far, but you can still retrace your steps. You can seek to obey the father’s advice and be safe or ignore it and be … The word to the wise is enough. God bless you.
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Sex in Relationships
She loved me and I knew it. She was ready to do anything for me. She was willing to even have sex with me if I had requested. As for intense hugging, it was becoming normal. Any thought of going to visit her brought excitement. The thought that this beautiful lady loved me that much was exhilarating. It was dangerous being with her alone in a room or in a car. This is because the level of resistance was low when it came to any attempt to touch and to hold.
The feeling that a gentleman you admired and liked proposed to you is great. You are on cloud nine just because he said the words you have been expecting. You had already fallen for him before he even proposed. Love in relationships is important in the beginning. But this is the time to be careful not to throw your pearl to the wrong or right gentleman.
It is normal today to have sex in relationships without any worries. I meet this gentleman today and we have sex the next day or even the same day. This is seen as normal in the eyes of the world. This is also becoming normal in the church. There have been situations where supposed men in cassock have advised that would-be couples have sex to confirm their readiness for the marriage.
I am not here to tell you about the dangers of premarital sex. Indeed, sex is fun and interesting. It is the highest form of showing love to the one who has qualified himself or herself for that. Sex has also sent many to the psychiatry zone because the other party assumed that by having sex with the significant other, it was evidence of strong love between the two. Meanwhile, the other person was just having fun and nowhere near love for him or her.
How are you sure that having sex with that person is a confirmation of love between the two of you. Some people will push you to prove the love you have for them by having sex with them. Some others have demanded sex as a prove of forgiveness. Some were just overwhelmed with emotions because they were not wise enough. Others were just having fun. They wanted to satisfy their libido and you were the object in sight.
The fact that you had sex does not necessarily mean that the relationship will not work either the opposite. But premarital sex may be a catalyst for mistrust in the relationship. Mistrust can lead to several other issues in the relationship. Some issues in marriages are not just incompatibility matters but may go way back to the foundation for that relationship. What you do at the beginning of the relationship is important. When you start with sex when no real commitment exists, you are building your relationship in the sand. When the storms of life hit the relationship, it will begin to fall because the foundation was a weak one.
Did you have sex before marriage? Are you having sex in your current relationship? Answer the question to yourself.
But if you do not mind and want to share your experience, leave your comments below.
Is it good to have premarital sex? Leave your comments below.
My Husband is a Gay
I was told not to have premarital sex, I obliged. I obeyed all the religious advise from my spiritual fathers and mothers. I obeyed God by fleeing youthful lust and staying pure till marriage. Expectations were high during and after my wedding. The gentleman was a leading prayer warrior in the church. But he was and is a gay. I only got to know three (3) months after our wedding. What should I do?
Some wives have found themselves in this situation and they are confused as to what to do. They are told God hate divorce and yes indeed God hate divorce in the same way as He hate lying. In this particular case, the woman found herself married to a secret gay who was spiritually popular in their church. She is now married, what can she do? Should she continue married to this guy or leave him?
As a non-religious person, this may look simple and straightforward. The lady should just quit. To the very spiritual (religious) person, it is complex and complicated. Can you help this lady with any advice?
Leave your comments below.